Voice Mail Options From an Overworked Answering Machine
* If you are obsessive/compulsive, press one repeatedly.
* If you are codependent,
ask someone to press 2 for you.
* If you have a multiple
personality disorder, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
* If you are schizophrenic,
a little voice will tell you what number to press.
* If you are manic depressive,
it doesn't matter what number you press, no one will ever return
* If you have attention deficit
disorder, we can't help you because you have already hung up.
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Answer the following
& keep track
of how many yes answers you have:
* I may forget other things,
but I've got my email address & web site memorized.
* I use the computer so much,
my significant other threatens to ration me.
* Sometimes, I check my email
before I brush my teeth in the morning.
* I not only use the little
smiley-con's in my email, I put them on letters.
* I think Bill Gates is kind
of cute, even though I'm embarrassed to admit it.
* I now have more friends
in the 'virtual world' than I do in the 'real world'.
* I get an empty feeling
when I turn off my modem.
* I laugh at people who have
* When using my word processor,
I find myself typing 'com' after every period.
* I occasionally introduce
myself as 'so and so... at such and such.com'
to send your answers, and we'll let you know how
Experts warned today of
a new and deadly threat to our beleaguered civilization:
the 100GB Bug.
As most people know,
McDonald's restaurant signs show the number of hamburgers
the giant chain has sold. That number now stands at 99
billion burgers, or 99 Gigaburgers (GB). Within months or
even weeks, that number will roll over to 100GB.
McDonald's signs, however, were designed years ago, when
the prospect of selling one hundred billion hamburgers
seemed unthinkably remote. So the signs have only two
This means that, after the
sale of the 100 billionth burger, McDonald's signs will
read "00 Billion Burgers Sold." This, experts predict,
will convince the public that, in over thirty years, no
McDonald's hamburgers have ever in fact been sold,
causing a complete collapse of consumer confidence in
The ensuing catastrophic drop in sales is
seen as almost certain to force the already-troubled company into
bankruptcy. This, in turn, will push the teetering American economy
over the brink, which, finally, will complete the total devastation
of the global economy, ending civilization as we know it, and forcing
us all to live on beetles.
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(??) Way to Have a Stress-less Week:
Picture yourself near a stream...
the birds are softly chirping in the crisp,
cool mountain air...
Nothing can bother you here...
No one knows this secret place...
You are in total seclusion from that place
called The World...
The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall
fills the air with a cascade of serenity...
The water is clear...
And you can easily make out the face of
that person who's been causing you stress, and whose head you're presently
holding under the water...
There now...feeling better? Okay, let go
of their head. <G>
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said the following:
a.) Who the
hell wants to hear actors talk?
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
there is a world market for maybe five computers.
Heavier than air flying machines are impossible.
Stocks have reached what looks like a permanently high plateau.
640K ought to be enough for anybody.
to send your answers, and we'll let you know how you did!